


Feelings Suck but Hugs are Alright When They're From You

by fabricsofteners



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Briefly mentioned OCD Connor, Connor Needs A Hug, Connor has a whole ass panic attack oh boy, Connor realizes what deviancy actually means, Feelings suck and Connor doesn't like it, Hank can provide that hug, M/M, No beta-reading we die like men, RIP Hank's mug, This is my first time posting on Ao3 hit me up with that sweet sweet critisism, You can read this as romantic or platonic / family, i guess anyway - Freeform, it works better for romantic though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-27
Updated: 2018-06-27
Packaged: 2019-05-29 15:28:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15076139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fabricsofteners/pseuds/fabricsofteners
Summary: Two days after the revolution, Connor left Markus' side to find Hank.Two days and five hours after the revolution, Connor was invited to live with his partner and his dog.Three days and two hours after, he watched the mug drop from his hand, and heard a strangled cry.Three days, two hours, and three minutes after, he realized the cry had been his own.





	Feelings Suck but Hugs are Alright When They're From You

**Author's Note:**

> This is based of my own fun ass times with anxiety/panic attacks so... it doesn't represent everyone that gets them.

"Connor," Markus' voice surprised the android to his right, who had been rather invested in the coin in his hands -- toss it seven times in each hand, flick in between right and left ten times, roll across his right knuckles eleven times, stop. Then he'd straighten his tie, run a hand through his hair. It... kept him calm. In a way.

He looked up, not stopping the movement, tilting his head ever-so-slightly at Markus. 

"You're not happy here. And, don't give me that 'It's fine,' thing, because that's not why we went through all that revolting. If you want to go back to Hank, you should go back to him." 

Connor shook his head, putting on a smile as he put the coin in his pocket, moving his hands to his tie, "Helping you with this is my place now. I made that so when I broke into CyberLife." 

"When you broke into CyberLife, you chose to help, yes. And you helped us. Now you need to help yourself, Connor. I didn't jump off a building and all that crazy stuff just so you could be unhappy." 

The detective android shivered at the mention of the rooftop -- remembering the feeling he got when Simon shot himself, the fear. It was... unpleasant. 

Markus put a hand on his shoulder, looking him in the eye as Connor finished his bi-hourly ticks. 

"I... suppose seeing Luteinant wouldn't be a negative experience." 

"Look at you, thinking about positives! Proud of you, Connor." 

▪▪▪▪

It was after that conversation Connor found himself smiling at Luteinant, being pulled into a tight hug by his partner, and being invited to stay at his house ("Sumo misses you, I mean," is how Hank had explained it.) 

Something told Connor there was more to it, but he didn't push. 

The next day, after spending the night cleaning, Connor found himself taking the Luteinant's cup to the sink for him, as Sumo had claimed Hank's lap and wasn't moving. 

He smiled at the dog's antics, until he heard Hank call to him from the living room. 

"So what do you plan to do now that CyberLife isn't fucking with your head anymore?"

His face fell, his thoughts began racing. 

_CyberLife isn't in control._

_I have no objective._

_I... have become useless?_

He watched the mug that fell from his hand for only a moment before his knees were in the shards, and he heard someone cry out. 

_Oh, that was... me._

He put his hands to his mouth to try and muffle anymore noises like that, as to avoid alerting Hank -- it was too late, though, the second the mug had shattered, he had made his way to the kitchen, (poor Sumo had no idea what was going on.) 

Connor had fallen back, knees to his chest, eyes wide and crying (who had programmed androids to do that, anyway? Why?), nails digging into the artificial skin around his mouth, not doing nearly as well as he would have liked to muffle the sobs that he was making. 

_Hank doesn't need you._

_No one needs you._

_You're of no use._

~~~~Hank didnt waste more than three seconds thinking 'what the fuck is going on,' before he had dropped down beside Connor, one arm over his shoulders, the other slowly trying to coax his hands down from the scratch marks, where small drops of blue blood were beginning to form and roll down his face, mixing in with the tears.

"I.. I'm- I'm sorry, I-I don't..." Connor's words were broken, choked out as Hank managed to pry his hands away, holding them down with one of his own, the other still holding the android tightly. 

"Hey, stop talking. Not gonna help anyone if you freak out more." 

The older of the two caught sight of the LED in the reflection of the cabinets, bright red and flashing. 

Who knew androids could have panic attacks, huh? 

Connor nodded, turning towards Hank, tucking his face into his chest, unintentionally getting tears and small amounts of Thirium on his shirt, not that either was in the mindset to care too much. 

It took a good fifteen minutes before Connor had calmed down, able to stand on shaky legs, holding onto the counter infront of him as he regained the breath he didn't actually need. 

"What got you so freaked?" Hank spoke more softly than usual, one hand still on Connor's back, just in case. 

"I... realized that due to my deviancy, I am of no use to CyberLife. At first this didn't bother me, as I was helping Markus, though now that I am no longer doing so, I... am rather useless. And... that seems to have bothered me quite a bit." 

Hank was taken aback by the words -- useless? Of all words that could be used to describe Connor, useless was never one of them.

"Connor, you realize I'd be nothing but blood and brains splattered on a wall without you, right?" Hank turned Connor towards him, hands resting on his sides to help him stay standing, "I can't think of any time you've ever been useless, especially not now." 

Connor shivered at that -- how close Hank had been to death when he broke that window. One shot, and a convient time of alcohol-induced fainting. It.. had been unpleasant. 

"I have no objective. No reason to continue existing, I've fulfiled my purpose, and arguably failed." 

"The Hell do you mean 'failed'? Connor, you saved countless android lives when you broke into CyberLife, possibly humans as well. You saved _my_  life, more than once, and I don't remember the last time my house looked this clean."

Connor's eyes filled with tears again, and Hank spent a moment thinking he had fucked up, before Connor hugged him again, falling into his chest, shaking, with muffled, "Thank you"s barley audiable. 

Hank rested his chin on Connor's head, running a hand through the android's hair in what he hoped was a comforting way. 

 

After Connor had straigtened up again, finally able to stand on his own legs, he smiled at Hank, saying yet another, "Thank you." 

Hank ruffled his hair, smiling as well though he tried to hide it, "Of course, Con. 'S 'bout time I returned the favour of saving your ass anyway." 

Connor laughed -- geuininly laughed, a short, yet incredibly musicial sound that Hank couldn't help but want to hear more. 

"Alright, alright, we have shit to do now, go clean your face up so we can go by a new mug. Mine met an untimely downfall -- don't apologize." 

Connor's mouth had opened to speak, an apology for the mug no doubt, but he simply nodded and closed it, walking towards the bathroom. 

Hank swept up and threw away the shards of porcelain, changing shirts and getting Sumo on his leash before Connor returned, coin in hand. 

While Hank locked the door behind them, Connor took the leash, "Luteinant-" 

"Hank, Connor, call me Hank." 

"Hank, then. I... see what you meant about emotions being... not-good," Connor spoke quietly, though Hank could hear him, thankfully, "But... contanct -- human contact, hugs and such is... nice. From you, anyway." He didn't have anything to cross refrence that with, besides Markus, but something about Hank just made him feel  _safe._ Not that Markus was bad company, Hank was just different. 

"Only you would struggle so damn much to say 'hey hugging you helped with my panic attck.'" Hank laughed, "But thank you. Your hugs are alright, too." 

He put his arm over Conner's shoulders, Sumo trotting happily in front of them, the android leaning into Hank ever-so-slightly, his LED finally calmed from red to yellow, then blue. 

Hank turned his head slightly, kissing the top of Connor's head very lightly, "You're not as much of a plastic asshole as I thought. Glad you're around and shit." 

Connor didn't verbally respond, but his happily spinning LED seemed to speak for his contentment in this. 

It already seemed like hours ago he had been sobbing over his lack of use -- of course he had one. Who would remind Hank to feed Sumo, or himself, without Connor. 

This... family sort of thing they had created, even in just the day Connor had been there... he could get used to this.

He felt... happy.

Markus would be proud. 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Connor; hank i have feelings this is Bad  
> Hank: ok but consider this  
> Hank: I love you   
> Connor: hank i have feelings this is Good
> 
>  
> 
> This is my first time using Ao3 & there's a lot of buttons, lemme know if I've done something I need to fix.  
> -fabric


End file.
